10 February 2012

New Kid on the Block

Hey, new kid. You are soooooo cute with your big brown eyes and your goldie locks, but let's get one thing straight-I can totally take you. 

Look. I raised 4, count. them. Four little boys. I get up every morning at 4am to ride a bike-fast. I homeschool AND mill flour. You think you're tenacious? How about breast feeding while getting over mastitis. Done that, buddy? Didn't think so.

So you can try your little dog and pony show with me. I will laugh like it's the first time. But here's a little secret. Believe it or not you are not the first little guy whose poo I have scooped or chased down with a trashy mouth or taught to sleep through the night. You are not the first boy who has tried to woo me with his rascally ways. In the end, I will dominate. 

Consistency is my superpower. You can try to slide one by me (ie my red sneaker). You may think you have the upper hand after the 110th time of going for the red mitten, but chasing you down only makes me stronger (and allows me to indulge in more chocolate). So keep it up. I will get in better shape so that I can take you for longer walks. I will continue to win this little game of "maybe if I walk quietly she won't notice the shoe in my mouth." And when you do wear me down, I will never let you know it. I'll just put your doggie behind in the crate. 

Don't get me wrong. We adore you. When your eye swelled shut, you saw the panic and love as we rushed you to the doggie e.r. You know that I didn't enjoy that whole rectal temperature thing they had to do on you. And I really do enjoy making your homemade doggie treats from leftover turkey bacon. The way you follow me around and lie on my feet while I make dinner is darling.It's just that in my 13 years of motherhood, experience has taught me that a boy with self control is sooo much more enjoyable. And we intend to enjoy you for many, many years to come. So don't misinterpret my "No biting!" or "Come, Kipling." "Down, boy." I mean them as terms of endearment. We are so glad you are here. And as soon as you learn that I am the alpha dog, life will only be that much sweeter. Okay? xo Mama

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