08 May 2012

the grass is always greener

last friday my neighbor mary popped over for a beer and a chat. it was 7pm, and i was already in my jammies. it had been a hard week. one where i questioned everything. "am i really supposed to be a mother?" "do i have what it takes to commit to another year of homeschooling?" "am i doing more harm than good when it comes to instructing my boys?" mary came in with her signature heineken. i told her about my week. i am not one to shy away from my truth. i am not catholic. the world is my confessional. so my darling neighbor innocently walked into my motherhood landmine. i confessed, "i think it might be healthier if i sent them to school. at least their enemy wouldn't be me, the mother-who-nags." mary calmly said, "i have news for you. it doesn't work like that." and then she began to stir me with stories of how her children-who-attend-public-school are not perfect {even though they seem that way to me}. i sat on my blue formica kitchen countertop and listened to her share stories that are similar to mine. even though she has an 8-3 reprieve from her beloved children, they still have their rows. her children have their issues that are beyond mary's {and john's-her husband} reach to fix/understand/control. and mary said, "and are we really supposed to 'fix' everything?" ahhhhh. so i got just what i needed. an understanding. there is no magic formula. there is no short cut on the map of parenting/schooling/living life with little people. regardless if i choose to homeschool, public school, private school the end result is everyday i am going to get my arse kicked by people who i gave birth to-and that my friend's is called parenting. a dying to myself {i have said this 450 times so why can i not grasp it}. it's hard. it's harrowing. it's worth it. but it's really, really hard. that's a mother's day card you won't see at hallmark, but i love you enough to tell you the truth. now go in peace. xo

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