05 January 2013

a set up

well, here we go again. another post about that infamous tooth fairy. but this time she was set up-and failed. let me explain.
all fun and games til somebody gets hurt-or loses teeth

yesterday, our darling baby boy sat in the dentist's chair. the fourth boy in a matter of months to have stubborn teeth wrenched from his delicate gums. our delightful dentist whom we adore flippantly said, "those two teeth should bring in about 4$." i about came off my stool. 4$! what? since when does the tooth fairy pay 2$ per tooth? is there a tooth shortage? her going rate at our house is .25/tooth. and now this man had raised the bar-HIGH. 

so last night when the Mister brought home dinner, the littlest greeted him in the kitchen. bearing his box o' teeth and new smile, he broke the news that he would be expecting 4$ from the tooth fairy. and for the rest of the evening, the Mister tried to no avail to explain to our tiny tycoon that that was just not going to happen. in our kitchen a bidding war began. the Mister came in low. ".25 a tooth." the 6 year old balked. i chimed in, but drove the price too high too fast, clearly a novice at auctioning. wait, were we really auctioning teeth in our little blue kitchen last night? 

by the time we finally settled the barracks, it was late-like 11:00 late. the tooth fairy had a long night ahead so he{yes, sometimes an alternate is called in for late night or last minute visits}wanted to get on with the rest of the evening.

from what i heard from the tooth fairy, the teeth were no where to be found. a ruse? so he, the alternate tooth fairy, looked high and low for those little white pieces without success. he relented, leaving 8 quarters under the boy's pillow in the little plastic box that the tooth fairy had agreed to leave in exchange for taking the teeth.

this morning as i was filling my cup with caffeinated goodness, i heard the bumps that are distinctly his. the littlest was awake. the previous evening, the Mister, er i mean the tooth fairy and i had speculated at the response such a seemingly measly offering would evoke. i waited. he thumped down the stairs. it had been 30 whole seconds so i asked, "did the tooth fairy visit?" still waking, he whispered, "i forgot to look." all this trouble and he forgot to look. who is this for? don't answer that! shortly, he came back downstairs rattling his coins. he poured them out of the teeth shaped box and counted. then he looked up at me and asked to have a talk with the tooth fairy. i offered to draft an email. he discussed. i wrote.

Dear Tooth Fairy,

George no longer believes in you. He was disappointed with his compensation for his pulled teeth. He felt like those two perfectly formed baby teeth should fetch more in the 4$ range. For this reason he will no longer require your services.

Mommy to George

i read it to him. he was unsatisfied with the first email so he asked that i send an amended note.

Dear Tooth Fairy,

In regards to our last correspondence, George would like to have a refund. Please return his teeth. He will leave the 8 quarters on his dresser.

Mommy to George

two words: tough crowd. in other news, the tooth fairy is happy to have two less pillows to visit. despite the tough economy, she will not be looking for more work.


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