2013 was a moving year

i am not one for resolutions. i already feel like i am not keeping up so why add fuel to the fire. but if i did make resolutions, it would be to write more letters especially to my boys. in those letters, i would remind them of all i like about them, reminiscing over time well spent. but i am a loser. i don't write enough. but i do take photos. my only way of remembering all that we do. and in a given year, it's not unusual for me to take thousands. you know just to remember stuff cause my memory also needs some work. perhaps more sudoku would help with that? next years non-resolution. but back to this year. 

it's been a year. what a year! unlike a few years past when those who love me and know me received christmas cards which honestly read, "it's been a crappy year", this year has been better, kinder. full of promise and hopefulness and change (and no christmas cards). and even though i loathe the word busy, i will let you take a peek into our last 365 days. a recap if you will. 

our lives are full. brimming with all kinds of sweetness, sorrow, wonder and while. i managed to keep 4 boys alive. a huge feat. and i moved those 4 boys and two dogs with the help of the Mister and loads of lovely friends and family from the mid atlantic back to the mid south. another huge feat!

now prepare for photo overload. i wish the pictures came with sound. o, the volume! 

herein lies a little of what we did/saw/learned/loved. it's been moving...

charlie discovered the benefits of hanging with teachers outside of class

the passing of the baton: big charles gave little charles his 40 year old deer rifle

went to see casa de washington aka mount vernon

gave up on family photos

played tourists in our favorite place: nashville

got dolled up for a funeral

got creative with teachable moments

put a lot of miles (and a new transmission) on the boy mobile

discovered homeschooling these two is hard. real hard.

enjoyed friday night lights

found a new watering hole

yelled: a lot

drank: a lot

took loads and loads of photos

hiked: a lot

toyed with the idea of getting bangs: decided it was too much

got dolled up for a wedding

drank: a lot

ran with the mayor

shot guns

got dolled up for a ballet

played poker

got dolled up for church

ran for fun. in the rain. for beer.

baked: a lot

bid adieu to our mid atlantic life

baked: a lot

said hello to our second (SECOND!) dog

said good bye to some of my besties

said hello to my first love

had a little help moving

added triathlon to their curriculum vitae

realized these two make up the "wild" and "ass" in the wild ass monkeys

drank: a lot

used up a lot of nail lacquer

sent the boys to uncle george's for a week

sent these two off to public school

watched my love receive the coveted epps spark plug award

bought braces: twice

was given a school calendar for the first time-ever

drank: a lot

celebrated 18 years 

hiked: a lot

laughed: a lot

and last but not least...

found my groove-or something like it. 

here's to another year chocked full of all kinds of adventures: wild ass monkey style.

gf xo

christmas time confessional

testing testing. is this thing on? so, yeah. it's been a while. and let me explain why. i've realized something about myself. well, actually i've realized a lot about myself when it comes to writing like 1) i'm forgetful 2) i'm distracted-like a dog around squirrels (i'm the dog in this metaphor/simile, the squirrels are played by my boys) 3) my life is not fabulous enough, and i don't dress myself or my children fabulously enough to write about, photograph it, have sponsors give away free stuff to make you swoon over it. basically, i am here to make you feel better about yourself. just friend me on facebook and you'll see. right, corine? 

so yesterday(like how i just launch you full throttle back into my life story), as i was serenading the boys(one of whom i did not give birth to)who were lucky to be in my car, with my version of "swing low, sweet chariot", it dawned on me. this is one of my favorite songs to sing maybe because i can actually hit the notes or what i perceive as the notes as i do not play or pretend to be a musician.

so as i was "swinging looooow", i began to think of christmas. and thinking of christmas made me realize many secrets. secrets that are so profound and dark and seedy-the only thing i knew to do was write them all down. so here you go. girl friday's christmas time confessional. and we're back in 3, 2, 1...

1. anyone donning an elf hat/santa stocking and who is otherwise NOT dressed in elf or santa costume, makes me twitchy aka nervous. like weird uncle saying, "come sit on 'santa's' knee and tell him (people speaking in second person about him or herself also make me crazy, but that's off topic) what you want for christmas." which brings me to number two.

2. my children, all four of them, have never sat on santa's knee and told him what they want for christmas. o, sure the 7 year old recently bumped into a chris kringle at a local restaurant in my home town. he took a candy cane. but i have never waited in a line to pay to have my kid sit on some strange man's knee and tell him why he should bring toys to my house at night whilst we are all sleeping. i love tradition, but people, i got a problem with this one. have you seen my neighborhood? that stuff really happens here. only he doesn't leave stuff-he takes stuff. i'm gonna keep santa back in the folklore with other oldies but goodies like st. valentine and all those other great stories. moving on...

3. i am so lazy and inconsistent, i can't always remember traditions that i intended to start with my boys-like giving them their own ornament for the tree so that when they are all growed up, they can take said ornaments (if we can all remember whose is who) to his new life(outside my house. feel the need to name it and claim it). but i have managed to keep the matching christmas jammies tradition alive and well for going on 3 years(maybe more, i can't remember stuff very well). and i plan to ride that train, milk that cow whatever you say, for as long as i can. look for an after christmas post displaying the boys in matching pjs. i can already see the disgust and blur as the 14 year old runs out of sight. but i will hope to catch a good one in front of the tree. which reminds me of christmas confessional number four.

last year's doozy. notice the tree. nobody has ever wondered if it's fake.

4. i blame my childs' asthma for not having a live/dead tree in our house. hey, let me explain. it all started innocent enough. we had live trees before kids. and then after we had kids, i could barely remember to water the kids. and all those pesky needles. yikes. we track in enough nature. why would i go looking for more, buy it and on purpose bring it into my house to drop things all over the place? okay, some people say that about animals. and i have two dogs. but a christmas tree can't lick your face after it drops stuff on the floor so there. and my kids did seem to always get sick right around christmas so there may be something to that whole live tree=asthma attack thing. this brings me to my fifth confession.

5. i loathe decorating for christmas. 

6. if you send me christmas LETTERS, they will go unread. who has time to read letters anymore when the superior way to communicate is in texting with hashtags? i spell out hashtag for those who may not know what it is. you see what i always thought was a number sign # has now been reclaimed(that's what they're doing these days reclaiming everything)and renamed hashtag. speaking of reclaiming.

7. i regift. you have been warned both as a gift giver and as a recipient. honey, that goes for you too so you better get me something good or it's going to beth for her birthday in february. 

8. i once tasted a fruit cake that was so divine, that i have never allowed my lips to enjoy another for fear that in tasting a true fruit cake, my opinion on all fruit cakes would be ruined. for life. much like that one night stand, i refuse to love again-when it comes to fruit cake.

9. my favorite christmas movie is not it's a wonderful life or elf or even die hard. my favorite christmas movie is about a boy, followed by you've got mail and bourne identity. if you need to ask why, you have never seen these movies so try harder. 

10. and last but not least i have been so looking for the christmas spirit or sprite to land in my heart. and i've been trying. from lighting our advent candles to reading our bible passages to attending both the nutcracker and having front row seats to watch a christmas carol. but y'all. i am at a loss. perhaps i will find it in an after christmas bin marked 80% off. then i can wrap it up and save it for next year. 

your christmas tree never was this cute. i mean, come on!

11. o, wait i knew i forgot one. this year's christmas card is the same one we sent out last year. hey, the boys haven't aged that much. it is also to be noted i am not pictured in said card as i can not say the same for me.

12. and speaking of me. i cannot tell the difference between egg nog and boiled custard. i made my first batch of egg nog this year. to be on the safe side, i added bourbon-to kill any possible bacteria. wowsa. word to the wise. a full bottle of bourbon goes a loooooong way. 

13. speaking of wasteful. gingerbread houses! what a waste of some really good candy.

okay. i'm done. but this confessing thing really makes me merry. how about for christmas we all become truth tellers, light bearers, goodwill bringers and glad tidings speakers?

cheers to you, dear ones. i sincerely love you and wish nothing but sweetness to welcome you and carry you throughout the coming year.

if i were to send out a representative photo for christmas, this would be it. pretty much sums it all up. 

yours so truly it may offend or sometimes even hurt,

xo gf

Thy Kingdom Come

it was recently brought to my attention that my two youngest are a little dodgy in reciting the Lord's Prayer. and when i say dodgy what i mean to say is, they don't know it. at. all. go ahead, judge. 

we attended the most beautiful wedding recently of one of our most favorite people in this world, amy. she and her darling guy were married in a catholic ceremony. in between trying to explain why we don't play in the holy water bowl and why Mother Mary plays more than a cameo in the Birth of Jesus story, there was so much richness in the symbolism and ceremony of their wedding. a great deal of recitation and kneeling. the oldest finally confessed, "i just wish they told me what to do" as he pointed to the lovely formal program he was given when we were escorted to our seats{at the very front of this majestic cathedral}. 

when it came time to recite the Lord's Prayer i listened to the voices of my older two sons as they stumbled with the different translation than the one they learned. the two youngers just stared blankly. and i realized as i've realized a thousand times this school year, they haven't been taught this important tenant to our faith. i calmed myself by saying, "okay, we'll spend the next few weeks writing, studying and processing the significance of the Lord's Prayer. it's not too late."

when the two younger boys began their lessons that following monday they found the first part of the Lord's Prayer written out for them to copy, read and discuss. and that's where we've been for the last 3 weeks. adding to the prayer every week. talking about the meaning of the words. slowly moving through the different translations. one may read "debts/debtors" another may say, "trespasses/ trespassers". which brings up grammar and synonyms. it's been a rich few weeks of taking it slowly and moving methodically through a small, but significant portion of scripture.

you know how you read and recite something a million times and then, THEN you have the light bulb moment? well, that happened this week to me when we read yet again the portion "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

earth and heaven. the connection. sometimes i am so wistful for the afterlife that i forget the here and the now. i forget that hope and change are for the here and now.

i see it in the faithfulness of a mother who drives across town at 7 at night so that her son can serve the homeless despite the fact she's exhausted from working all day. i see change when the director of the homeless facility{that receives 0 government assistance} shares that many of the men who work on their sobriety manage to find freedom from addiction in 180 days. i see god's kingdom come when boys from troubled homes are happy to wipe down tables and don hairnets as they serve hot food to strangers. i see god's kingdom come when a man decides to turn the idea of success on its head by leaving corporate america to hang out in a building full of homeless people. 

thy kingdom come. thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. those words mean so much to me as i see how earth and heaven come alive in my own life. it's not the brokenness of the world that i see as much as my own brokenness. and the Creator in His gracious manner allows me to move out of my own head and space and into the world around me to see His Kingdom Come and His Will be done on earth, this earth where my feet are today. maybe not tomorrow, but for this moment they are on the floor in my kitchen where i await the breakfast bustle. the faithfulness of seeing God's kingdom come for me begins in stewardship of time. of teaching my boys a few words that they will hopefully carry with them for the rest of their lives on this earth and hopefully as they wrestle with what "on earth as it is in heaven" looks like in their own lives.

may your weekend be wrought with much goodness, and may you see the profound glory that surrounds us. 

xo,

gf

p.s. in case you're unfamiliar with what the Lord's Prayer is. more here or even here. 

  

public school ruined me

i took an 18 year hiatus from public school. it's not like i planned it that way. i mean i attended public school k-12 growing up. i did my student teaching in public school. and then just like that. i left. 

this past year i returned, but this time to enroll my 14 year old son and his younger brother. it felt timely. it felt exciting. it felt. daunting. not for the reasons you may imagine. 

you see for the passed 10 years i've homeschooled my boys. when they decided it was time to not be homeschooled, the first and only option that i seriously considered was public school. and i took that decision to heart with as much vim and vigor as i did when we decided to school our boys at home. 

community is what led us to homeschool. community is what led us to public school. and i have to tell you, this has been one community-filled first year. brother-keeping-brother kind of year. it has been my undoing and my making. i have wept and wailed and wondered more these past 3 months than i have perhaps their entire lives. maybe it's because they are in such challenging life stages {teething has nothing on teenager-hood, i am so sorry to say, sweet mamas}. or maybe it's because, damn, we are in a really ridiculously good/hard/lean-not-on-your-own-understanding kind of place. regardless, we are here. in public school. i have seen hard places in my boys' hearts soften and soft places in their burgeoning manhood harden. and it's been good.

we are availing ourselves to hearing stories that are so full of hope and promise that i want to shine my shoes and dance a jig. and we are walking into places so wrought with brokenness that it makes me wonder how some people can even put one foot in front of another. 

this morning as i was hanging up my clothes, looking through my closet for some coats that would fit the dress code for donating to a local school, i said aloud, "i am ruined. i will never be the same." 

and it's true. i am ruined. but not in the way you may think. i am ruined into thinking that i can just bebop my way through life and forget that there is a mother who just buried her son after he hung himself. 

i am ruined by the testimony given at the local school board meeting last week. a sincere mother commending the merits of her local elementary school that she adores, but that does not come highly recommended by any of my friends and even some of the teachers who work there. 

i am ruined by all the falling short i feel when i cannot wave my magic wand to convince the neighbors that these neighborhood schools are worth it. worth staying in the neighborhood for. worth fighting for. worth sending their children to. 

i am ruined when i see how fiercely devoted the principals and teachers are to their students. going to bat for them over and over. working way, WAY beyond their pay grade because they sincerely care more about their students' character than they do their own paycheck. 

i am ruined when i hear my 14 year old say, "it was so great seeing my friends today at school." my reluctantly outgoing boy who is a newly minted ambassador for his high school. a school that i was warned about. a school that was ONCE {but no longer} one of the 10 most dangerous schools in america. a school we almost missed the chance to get to know. a school that our elected school board member has yet to visit. a school where the principals know the students by name.

public school ruined me. it opened me up to a world wrought with so much. challenges. victories. hopefulness. hells. as well as havens. i am not the same. and you know what? i am better. 

xo,

gf

setting the table

from my earliest memories i remember living in a home that was always welcoming. we had a pool. we had a circle driveway. and we had two parents who knew how to cook and entertain. effortlessly. or so i recall.  

my father, still an avid fishermen, would host fish fries. and let me tell you. they were pretty amazing. he would set up his jury rigged apparatus out in the garage that i seem to recall entailed ladies panty hose in order to deep fry fish as well as hush puppies. friends would gather around sipping their miller lite or white wine whilst watching my father sling those little fins in and out of the hot oil. it was far from a fussy event. 

lively conversation is a requirement

my mother never really fretted over a tidy house. she did not serve with fancy dishes. or cloth napkins. she made lists, but only to make sure there was enough food. and there always was. plenty.

this was looooong before pinterest told us how to table scape. before martha stewart stole hospitality as her bastard child and perverted it in a way that is downright unnatural. long before cooking shows had to try hard to come across as being down home.

my father's penchant for spontaneous dinner gatherings left everyone happy, full and hopeful that they would be invited to the next markham cookout/swim party/homemade ice cream/fish fry. i have to wonder if it was because the hospitality was unfettered.

i've been thinking a great deal about hospitality. it's kind of my favorite thing. in this world. having people over. making them something good to eat. seeing my children interacting with them. observing my children as they learn to serve.

hospitality is not about a tidy house, well mannered children {though i must confess it's helpful}. it's not about having a large home. it's not about having the most exquisite table settings or lighting or music or even the food. it's about the people who feel loved and cherished and invited. it's about stewardship and sharing and hearing and loving and welcoming. and this can include those with whom you dwell on a regular basis as well as your neighbors. 

and when the table is full, the sofa serves as a good overflow option

if you are accomplishing all those things by just being happy someone has set aside time to sit with you a bit. if you are appreciative that in this crazy life, another soul would value you over television or even a good read, then you have a heart that is hospitable. then you have properly set a table that will be enjoyed and savored long after the guests have left.

just my 2 sense,

xo gf