wrestling with angels

someone used the term supermom in the same sentence with me the other day. very graciously, i replied, "i don't think my children, those little darlings to whom i mother, would concur". here's why.

the glow of boys who are about to run an early 5k

they live with me. they taste my homemade scones and hear my deafening tirades over lost scissors and unkempt rooms. i'm pretty much a disaster. a broken, cracks-can't-hold-in-the-water, disaster who happens to make really good treats, entertains for fun and fully and completely owns her shit of which includes swearing.

i thought about that little phrase last night when i awoke at 2.30 am. owning my shit. and i thought, i bet the entire world's problems could be solved if more people just owned up to their weaknesses, foibles and mistakes. can you imagine?

because guess what my darlings? we can't always be right, know it all, get it the first time. we all have stuff we would rather not be found out on. i am one who would rather tell you in plain text than to try to pretend otherwise. it's truly unbecoming. and who isn't cheered with another who is quick to the punch admitting she's wrong, imperfect and so so not a supermom? 

i tell you, i have only 24 hours in my short day. that's not enough time to posture and pretend or defend. and i generally don't set time aside for those who do. 

most nights when i wake at 2.30, it's because i feel like i'm wrestling with an angel{and have to use the loo}. i've done or said something the previous day that warrants regret. so i toss and turn in my bed, languishing. begging, plotting, planning a way to change. making a to do list on how to be more intentional with patience. to be less exacting. to be kind. my children are the ones who see this side of me most. they are the ones who see my anger{synonyms could be fury or rage}. they are also the ones who hear my regret as i ask them to forgive me and say things like, "i was wrong". 

so what is the take away from this you might wonder? well, a long time ago a person wrote, "the truth will set you free". and it is, well, true. trying to pretend takes more work than i wish to put forth. i'm lazy. so rather than make you think i am patient or sweet or even super, i'll just tell you. i'm not. but i do make good eats. that's the honest truth. 

verily yours,

xo gf

Help Wanted

{This morning my darling husband sent me a link to an au pair agency. It has been 13 years now of parenting. While most of our friends have dropped their little ones off at Mother's Day Out, Preschool, public school, we have not. While some of our friends have regular help, live-in help, families who chip in to watch their children, we have always just taken care of our own and often other people's children. And frankly, I am quite tired. The cracks are starting to show, and I am pretty desperate as is my Mister. So today I sat down to draft this classifieds ad as my brood of boys drug out their earthly belongings onto the front lawn in hopes of having their own impromptu garage sale.}

Mother of 4 well-behaved {mostly} boys aged 13 years-5 years seeks the assistance of a younger version of herself-someone who has the energy to pursue their interests at the pool, nature park, library, home, and movies whilst she has a moment to herself. 

You must be comfortable caring for the boys sans television and have the ability to discipline when needed. We would love to have someone to also care for the boys overnight so that the mother and her Mister may have an occasional night away from their darling sons.

Monitoring the boys as they pick up their belongings and work on their schoolwork are also part of the job description.  {i.e. the Mother doesn't want to come home to a house that has been trashed and lads playing on their handheld gadgets.}

Must be comfortable around a sweet dog and be a nonsmoker.  Superpowers aren't necessary, but would be helpful. 

Position to begin immediately upon completion of an interview as well as an outdoor obstacle course. 

A generous wage will be offered! We are hoping for 10-20 hours per week beginning in June and lasting til the youngest graduates high school.

Thank you for your consideration,

Girl Friday


{If you know of anyone, seriously, let me know!}