losing and keeping

i began my 11th year of homeschooling 9 days ago. 7 days in, i lost my shit. my class roster read 2, but those 2 are filled to the brim with wiliness. like it's a spiritual gifting or something. you can only hear such things as, "let's play chiropractor" a few times when you should be hearing nothing before that metaphorical kettle boils over. and boy, mine did. it was bad. we had tears (mostly mine). we had slammed doors (only mine). and we had hair pulling (see a pattern?) and then i decided. "i'm done."

the next day the boys woke like sprites completely unfazed by the previous day's antics. but not me. i was worn weary wondering how the hee-haw i was supposed to get through the next 172 days with these raconteurs. but i've been taught to set an intention through the practice of yoga so that's what i did. for that day i set an intention to remember that this process of do-it-yourself educating is a slow and often arduous trail that takes you off the paved roads and sometimes into the brambles. and boy, were we feeling the stickers. so after 7 hard days, i cried uncle. and we blew off school. and went to the pool. 

we stayed basking in the vacant waters through two swim breaks and two sunscreen applications. and then we packed up and came home to read and rest for the rest of the day. 

the mood was lighter and sweeter and more gentle which is the tone i'm trying to strike with this business of raising men specifically schooling them.

so after a 24 hour break and a change in prospective, we began afresh. we each agreed where we were wrong. we each took the blame. we each accepted forgiveness. and just like that we launched back into those testy waters of school. at home. 

but yesterday as i swam with my beloved boys, the silly stress of unreachable expectations washed away. i let the chlorinated water clear away much of my shit. you know the shit i thought i had lost the day before. after 7 days of maddening cat herding? yep. nothing like a jump in calm waters to calm me. and them. 

so here i am. sitting before you with laptop in lap hoping that you'll continue to point me to the true north which is not the land of santa and other fairy tales and other unreasonable expectations. it's a place where truth hangs out and little boys are enjoyed and disciplined and loved and laughed with and encouraged and held accountable. 

and speaking of second chances and being held accountable, i am reminded of how many millioneth chances are reigned down on me and how i stand in awe of all that ridiculous grace from my Mister, my boys and my creator. so let's just keep on lavishing grace shall we? play nice. laugh more. and try to keep our shit together shall we?

no, the irony of our read aloud is not lost on this girl

yours in truth and much weakness,

xo gf

four years for four boys

once upon a time a man asked his wife and four boys if they were up for an adventure. a resounding yes led to what can only be described as the wildest 4 year field trip this family of 6 ever took.

it started here...

so we made a fun list. things we hoped to see and do whilst we lived in the mid-atlantic. and even though we had no idea how long we would live in this small town, we kind of felt like it would not be for forever. 

and then george washington invited us to sit on his back porch.

so once our feet made landfall, we snapped to it. ticking things off that infamous fun list-and having the most amazing time along the way.

boy did we make the most of the time.

i hate that i don't write in a daily journal. sitting still is not my strong suit. but i never go anywhere without a camera. 

the brothers utley became junior rangers

and mama enjoyed a cocktail...

whilst pops biked the c&o canal

charlie unearthed his hipster self and...

worked on mastering the self portrait.

we chased down where francis scott key wrote that infamous poem.

as well as spent many hours in our backyard, renamed the eastern forest.

whilst mama drank and..

charlie began drama team. 

we visited the bloodiest civil war site

and caroled in a baltimore pub...

and started a family business.

mama found solace at the yoga studio.

and we welcomed a new family member....

and buried another one...

and welcomed another. 

all along, taking time to smell the flowers.

and enjoying the view.

maintaining boundaries...

whilst falling in love with baking...

and this dazzling supermarket.

making lots of colorful friends...

and learning about potato chips...

cheering pops on as he walked the entire md section of the a.t. in one day-that's 43 miles.

and driving up to philly to see the dead sea scrolls.

we observed this boy fall in love for the first time-with science.

and once we did all that was on our list, we decided it was time to go home. all adventures must come to an end.

much like mama's cocktail...

and ours ends here. 

four years for four boys. it's almost like we lived here so that each boy could have his fill. his year to wander about, learning and exploring, adventuring until the next one finds us. and speaking of next.

next stop, nashville.

xo,

gf