sneaking in

my boy. my first born. the love of my life. the one i cut my mothering teeth on. the joy that is all boy, has dropped out of homeschooling and into the world of public schooling. so today whilst he was away learning in a place that isn't his home, i snuck into the place where he dwells, and plans, and plays and dreams. 

he was away for the day so i snuck in. he keeps his door closed, but not locked so i took that as a sign i could trespass. permission if you will. and i did. this is what i found. 

probably the best to do list i've ever read in my life

and i was delighted by what i found. deeply, heart tickled, weepy eyes, encouraged and heart sick delighted. 

hand hewn blocks made for him on his first birthday by his genius godfather

a relic from his father's archives

it only took 14 years, but i think he has mastered putting his dirty clothes in their right place

his bed unmade. he once read in the new york times that keeping an unmade bed hinders bedbugs from multiplying. not that he was a bed maker before that. it just justified his oversight.

his shelves dusty. 

stuff all over the floor.

trash littering every place except the can to which it's intended. 

aside from all of that, i see a boy growing and thinking and actually listening. he hears me. i can see it by what he places on the shelves in his room. hints of trips taken. clues of time spent outdoors. nuances of a budding scientist. fourteen years of relating sneaking in. 

for all you mamas and papas who wonder, "is what i'm doing really adding up?" the answer is, "yes. it is." just sneak into your child's room to notice.

yours,

xo gf